Character and temperament of your Ideal Au pair

There are other qualities you want to consider besides values, orientations and caregiving style. These qualities observable from appearance and those qualities you learn about from her behaviour.

I’ve found it best to ask parents ‘’if the ideal candidates came into your home today, who would that person be? What is about her that makes her seem so ideal?

For some parents it is Mary Poppins. For others it is someone they know. You might find your self saying ‘’if only my mom could be my Au pair, life would be so easy! Or ‘’if only my best friend could do this, i would feel so reassured!’’ Equally important are identifying people you could not imagine as your Au pair. What is about these people that make them less ideal?

Here are some areas you may want to consider when evaluating fit:

Age; Does chronological age matter? Consider this in terms of activity level, stamina and maturity. Will she have to carry your baby up and down stairs on a regular basis or run after an active toddler? Does she have enough life experience to assure you she can manage the challenges she will encounter? Is her personal life stable enough to ensure predictable employment with you for as long as you need her?

Grooming: is the way she dresses consistent with how you want your family to be seen by others? Is there a certain code that is important for you?

Language: Can you understand each other well? Can you talk easily about the how’s and why’s of your child’s day?

Temperament: is she active and outgoing? Quiet? Formal with close boundaries or wear her heart on her sleeve? Does her temperament complement or run counter to yours? What about your child’s?

Communication: Does her style of communication complement yours or is it difficult to understand her ideas or to follow her line of thought?

Au pair  and Nanny search. Determining the right fit for your family and you

Values and childrearing orientations

In my work, I have found the right fit between parents and Au pairs is an indicator of quality. The right fit increases the likelihood an Au pair will develop a meaningful relationship with a child in partnership with his parents.

The right fit increases the likelihood an Au pair will continue providing childcare for as long as needed.

Both outcomes not only support a child’s development of trust and competency but also minimize stress for parents. A child learns over time that a responsible adult will understand who he is, what he needs and respond in a predictable way. The parents can focus on parenting in partnership with someone they trust instead of going through the time consuming and disruptive process of finding yet again, another Au pair.

When parents meet their right Au pair for the first time, they often describe the experience as having a certain positive gut feeling or the right chemistry with her. Somehow the Au pair seems right. It is the ‘’aha’’ moment they have waited for! When an Au pair doesn’t feel right they often describe the experience as having no chemistry with her. Somehow they just didn’t click.

When parents and Au pairs click, most often it is because they have had similar experiences about parenting – how to raise children and family values. A discussion during the interview with the au pair about daily routines, house rules, discipline, toileting or play goes easily. It can seem as though each were talking to a kindred spirit – or a family member. For everyone, it simply makes sense that one would care for children that way.

Parents and Au pairs need to share similar enough experiences and values to ensure that how they care for the children and the values they teach in the process are consistent. In this way, the child learns to trust that the adults caring for her will respond in a certain way when she behaves a certain way and that the parents and Au pair are acting in partnership.

Talk with your spouse or partner about how you were raised. What was a typical day and how were the daily routines manages? How did your parents respond when you went counter to their expectations? What was a particular saying about life your parents used that you would pass along to your child? What aspects o how they parented do you want to use – and what do you want to do differently?

Every parent needs building blocks to hire the right Au pair.

Not every parent will need or want every piece.  It’s only important that you know before starting your Au pair search what all the pieces are, make decisions about those you need and how you’ll put them together. The building process minimizes the likelihood that you’ll feel overwhelmed, confused or misguided. It increases the likelihood that you’ll finish the process and hire the right Au pair for your child and you.

The building process begins with knowing what qualities you expect from your ideal Au pair and prioritizing these. You then create a job description and interview prospective candidates and then sign a contract with your selected Au pair.

‘’If my toddler says he hates the au pair and wants her to go away, then she goes!’’

The assumption: My child uses good judgement and can be objective about who he wants taking care of him.

The reality: Children can have many motivations for wanting an Au pair to go away. Among them is wishing for their parent to stay home instead. Remember you are the parent and the decision maker.

When parents evaluate an Au pair candidate, they often consider how she was when she first met their child. Did she pick up the baby right away? Was she loving, warm and interested in him? Was she playful with their toddler? Could she have an easy conversation with their preschooler?

Parents also watch their child’s reaction closely. Did the baby calm down when she held him? Did he go to her right away and enjoy playing with her? When she left did he say he liked her?

While these observations and evaluations are important, it is equally important to factor in that Au pairs and children know they are being observed. The simple fact of being observed can affect behavior. Sometimes the message beneath the behavior merits more attention than the behavior itself.

If a child says the Au pair must go, then should the Au pair go?

When it comes to the Au pair hiring decision, parents know best and we do recommend reading about the family interview guide for hosting an Au pair. There are definitely mismatches between Au pairs and children, but the shoe is on the wrong foot when the child makes the decision about whom to hire. Please read more about frequent family questions when hosting an Au pair.

The percentage effect
She will do 70% housecleaning and 30% childcare, so I’ll get a good house cleaner’’

The assumption: “ Place the most emphasis on the main skill required for the position””

The reality: While an Au pair does light housework, the main activity of an Au pair should be related to childcare, and not housekeeping duties.

‘’Our last Au pair was young and French and she didn’t work out, so I ‘ll get someone older and from a different country this time ’’

The assumption: “I should have seen this one coming. I won’t be so easily fooled the next time around’’

The reality: Look a little closer. What is it about the fact she was young that made her not work out?
There are many reasons and benefits of hosting an Au pair. All parents want the best for their child and make the best decision they can about whom to hire. But misunderstandings and disappointments do happen in spite of best decisions. At times they can be resolved and everyone is generally better off for having gone through the situation and gotten out of it intact. At other times, things never get back on course and Au pairs have to leave, what happens if it does not work out with the Au pair?.

While relieving to have an unfavorable situation end, endings can shake up a parent’s sense of what they want in an Au pair and their use of judgement. Perhaps they ignored their gut feelings that said she was not ‘’right’’. Perhaps the choice of an Au pair was right for the parents but not for the children. Perhaps the parents don’t know what went wrong. They grasp at straws to figure it out.

She was young – so get an older person the next time. She was not educated – so get someone with a college degree the next time. Her English was not fluent – so get a native English speaker the next time.

When parents start grasping at straws it is a sign of just how desperate they are to regain confidence in their use of judgement. While the obvious can be true, better to look a little closer and ask further questions. Dig dipper. What specifically was it about her youth or language skills or other characteristics that made her not work out? Read more about how to interview my Au pair and the process of selecting an au pair.The answers will give you good data points to use in judging your next round of Au pair candidates. Review Au pair applications, be critical.

I can’t afford Quality

‘’All the good Au pairs work for rich families”

The assumption: you get what you pay for. If you pay more, you get better

The Reality: Au pairs value the support, respect and recognition parents provide more than an above-market salary. You don’t need to offer more than market rate to hire a good Au pair.

This assumption that all the good Au pairs work for rich families comes out of childhood stories about the lives of British aristocrats who raised a brood of children with the help of a dotting nanny. Our belief about a Mary Poppins from the last century comes alive in the present as we peek yet again into the lives of the rich and famous. Whether it’s the Nanny Diaries or news briefs about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s travels with Nanny and children, we expect that only the rich get the better Au pairs, leaving the rest of the Au pairs to those unglamorous souls treading through a daily life of diapers and dishes and offering a pittance of glory and market wages to our Au pairs.

Does the ‘’more you pay the better you get’’ rule apply in the Au pair market? Is compensation an indicator of quality? Au pair working hours and pay rates

In our experience, the ‘’more you pay the better you get’’ rule applies only to families looking for Au pairs in a rush, those that need an Au pair to start this or next week and if possible someone already in Australia, in those cases this girls have shown in all cases to be picky and prefer families with a good location, if possible near the beach and offering the best salaries.

Is compensation the only thing that motivates a Nanny? In this case again it has to do with the kind of au pair you are considering, those already here in Australia are not real au pairs but backpackers, their main priority was never to be an au pair but to travel, once here after realizing how expensive are accommodation and meals in Australia, then they consider the option of Au pairing as an alternative, but for that reason our agency does not recruit these kind of candidates as we prefer to place an au pair who’s main priority from the beginning was to care children, who registered with months in advance preparing all her supporting documents to achieve this experience, someone flexible about accepting families so that we have or chances to ensure a successful placement. Read more about Why choose an au pair agency and the danger of Au pair internet matches

These kind of Au pairs that are currently overseas vetted by our Partner agencies  at the time we start the matching and interview process of selecting an Au pair are those we target and they find satisfaction in working with almost any kind of family, with children of any age. We suggest our customers to compare between agencies when choosing your Au pair agency. Looking at the question in this way, it is not that the rich get better Au pairs; they get Au pairs that are motivated primarily to be part of their lives and earn higher salaries or pocket money.

While most of the au pairs have already gained some previous experience working with children, is always a plus to know as much as possible about working with babies, safety measures, lunch preparation, What families expect from the au pair, how to handle emergencies, etc. For this reason we have developed an online au pair course that is free to all our candidates coming as Au pairs to Australia

Health and Insurance

Some families pay for or contribute towards the cost of the au pair’s medical insurance and it is essential to find out well in advance whether your employers are prepared to do this. In some countries they are compelled by law to provide insurance to the au pair. Even if you are allowed to participate in the national scheme of the country you are going to, you may find that there are important exclusion clauses such as for dental treatment, non-emergency treatment, prescription drugs and so on. No matter what country you are heading for, but especially if it is an EU country, you should obtain the Department of Health leaflet T6 Health advice for travellers available from post offices. Most insurance companies offer a standard rate that covers medical emergencies and premium rate that covers personal baggage, cancellation, etc, as well as health.

Learning a language

Having even a limited knowledge of the foreign language before you set off to work as au pair is invaluable, so it is always worth trying to improve your standard before leaving home. Evening language classes offered by local authorities usually follow the academic year. Intensive courses offered privately are much more expensive. If you are really dedicated, consider using a self-study programme with books and DVDs, online course or broadcast language course. Even if you don’t make much headway with the course at home, take it with you since you will have more incentive to learn once you are immersed in a language.

Travel

Except in the case of highly prized professional nannies like the case of working as Nanny Overseas, you must pay for your own travel costs. Very occasionally a family will pay for your fare home if you have completed a one-year contract. There are exceptions, for example the programmes which place au pairs in the USA in which your flight is organised for you and paid for by the family. Since the family may offer to the au pair at the airport, last minute bargains are not ideal. It is always better to have an open return ticket, so that you will feel more in control of the situation. Also, certain countries require a return or onward ticket as a condition of entry.

What to take
Money

If at all possible try to save a certain amount of money so that you won’t be financially dependent on the family if things don’t work out. Bear In mind that you might not be paid for the first fortnight or month, so you will need some money to tide you over.

Packing
As the day of departure draws closer, you will need to sort out your wardrobe and select clothes that will be compatible with the climate you are going to. Leah Wiloth, an American au pair in France in 2008, passes on her packing suggestions and other tips
– bring clothes that you can mix and match with a lot of things. Pack less than you usually would. You are going to want to buy gifts and souvenirs that you will have to bring back with you in your suitcase.
-bring books and music , sometimes you will have cravings to see and hear your own language.
–  bring one nice dress and shoes that are comfortable to wear and look good with a lot of outfits.
– bring pictures of family and friends
– pick up a language survival guide for the country you’re going to be working in
– pick a well documented journal of feelings, excursions and names of places visited everyday.

After you have secured a job, there may or may not be a waiting period during which you will have a chance to organise the practicalities of moving abroad and to prepare yourself in other ways. If you are applying to the International Au pair program as Nanny overseas and going to a country that requires immigration procedures like Canada, you may find out that you will need our agency support and a couple of months ahead to apply for your visa. Is always important to get professional help as there are a lot of Risks involved without the support of an Au pair agency. In addition to deciding what to take and which ticket to buy, you should think about health and travel insurance, necessary documents such as visas, and about having a contract drawn up.

Your contract

Once you have received a job offer and have decided to accept, what happens next? If you are dealing with our Au pair agency, the offer will come from us with the Au pair- Host family household handbook. If you receive a contract direct from your future employer, you should inform the agency that an offer has been made and accepted, since we will need to collect our fees from the family. You should be totally honest with the agency at all times, as they have been instrumental in finding you a job and you may want to have their help again.

This is the point a formal contract or agreement should be drawn up. This should set out clearly the extent of your duties and free time, the length of stay, wages, House guidelines for the au pair and the amount of notice which must be given on either side, and what will happen in the event of sickness. If the family has had a bad experience with a previous au pair, they might want to list acceptable reasons for disciplinary measures, their house rules to the au pair (i.e verbal warning in first instance, written warning and finally dismissal) such as unsatisfactory dress standards, unreliable timekeeping, after-hours behaviour which might harm the reputation of the employee, etc. the reasons for immediate dismissal are usually theft, drunkenness and philandering with the boss or his friends. Leaving prematurely is not to be recommended, since the family will also sign in good faith, and the contract should be maintained by both parties until it is mutually desirable to terminate it.

The first thing you should do is prepare any questions you might want to ask the parents. We have prepared some questions to help you during the au pair interview  and when working as a nanny overseas. Try to commit these to memory and introduce them into the conversation at appropriate intervals, rather than laboriously read them from a long list. The more enjoyable and interesting you can make the meeting, the better impression you will make. Some experienced nannies feel that it is much a case of the nanny interviewing the family as the other way round.

If you lack practical experience, it might be an idea to read a reference book on childcare or take an online au pair course.

It is very important to look presentable at any interview (even it it is by Skype) and nannies and au pairs are no exception. Avoid wearing jeans and trainers even though this will probably be your ‘uniform’ once you start work. On the other hand, don’t dress to kill. The parents will probably find it hard to envisage you cleaning up after the children and subconsciously dismiss you as unsuitable. Most families are looking for someone who projects herself as tidy and reliable. Try to present a balanced image of someone who is sensible but fun, polite but informal.

Sometimes families will prefer to make the online interview with their children present, and if this is the case, you must try to familiarise yourself with them. It will give you an opportunity to determine whether or not you would enjoy being their au pair and, besides, you would be wise to show an interest in them. A candidate who ignores prospective charges will not be rated very highly. On the other hand do not gush all over them, since this is sure to alienate them. Do not underestimate the power which children wield. If they take a shine to you, the parents might hire you in spite of a lack of formal qualifications. Similarly, if you pay them little or no attention, they are unlikely to support you, and the parents will notice your lack of enthusiasm.

The same applies to the current au pair. If she is present, make a point of chatting to her for she is a wealth of information. Try to interpret her attitude towards the family, and take note of how they interact with her. Does she seem to enjoy working for them, and do the parents treat her in a friendly manner? The au pair might also be in position to influence the parents ‘choice, so don’t be lulled into a false sense of security. Keep the conversation fairly business-like and don’t give anything away that could be interpreted as a negative trait later on.

Parents will usually begin the interview by giving you more details of what the job involves, try to leave with a clear idea of what will be expected of the au pair. Ask what your day(s) off will be and how much you will be paid, check out about Au pair in Australia working hours and pay rates. Remembering that pocket money vary considerably depending on the country, your experience and responsibilities, check out this page for Daily Responsibilities of au pairs. This is a good opportunity to mention what kind of activities you would be doing with the children, get some ideas about activities for au pairs. Take note of any fringe benefits on offer ( use of car, for example) since these might compensate for an otherwise low salary. Topics you might raise are what the children eat (i.e how much cooking will be expected of you), their attitude to television and discipline generally.

Don’t forget to raise subjects such as pets. They can mean extra work for you, and if you have any animal allergies this could be a problem for both the family and you to realize later on. If the children are not present, ask to send you photos of them, the parents will be pleased at your interest.

If you come away from the interview feeling that you are interested in the job, take some notes on what has taken place. It’s amazing how quickly important details can be forgotten. It’s also a good idea to write a brief note to the parents, thanking them for their time, telling them how much you enjoyed meeting them, ( assuming that is true) that you are enthusiastic about the job, and ask about next steps to apply for your visa. Writing such a note may seem a little crawling, but it’s a proof of good manners, which might give you the edge over the competition. If you obtained the interview through an agency, you should phone them when possible to tell them how you think it went, and whether or not you are interested.