Red Flags and Green Flags When Choosing an Au Pair: A Guide for Australian Host Families

Red Flags and Green Flags When Choosing an Au Pair

Choosing an au pair is one of the biggest decisions a family can make. This person will live in your home, care for your children and become part of your daily routine, often after only a few video calls.

That is why so many parents ask the same questions. How do I know this person is reliable? What should worry me? What should reassure me?

This guide gives you a practical answer. It covers the red flags that suggest a candidate may not be the right fit, the green flags that point to a good match, and what to look for at each stage: the application, the references, the interview and the first weeks of the placement.

One note before we start. No single sign decides everything. Treat red flags as reasons to ask more questions, not as automatic reasons to reject someone, and treat green flags as encouraging signs that still need checking. Good decisions come from the whole picture.

First, know what you are looking for

Before you read any application, spend half an hour writing down what your family needs. Many problems come from families who skip this step and choose the “nicest” profile rather than the best match.

Think about:

• Hours and schedule. Do you need mornings, school runs, after-school care, evenings or weekends?
• Children’s ages. A baby, a toddler and a teenager need very different skills.
• Driving. Will the au pair need to drive your children? If so, how comfortable should they be with Australian roads, automatic cars or long distances?
• Cooking and household help. What light housekeeping do you expect?
• Your home and location. Are you in a big city, a suburb or a regional area? A candidate used to a quiet village may feel very differently about a busy Sydney suburb or an isolated rural home.
• Your family culture. Is your home lively and noisy, or calm and structured? Do you have pets, a religious routine, dietary rules or specific parenting values?
• Length of stay. Some families want six months, others twelve.

With this list in hand, you will recognise red and green flags much more easily, because you will know what “right” looks like for your household.

A reminder on fairness: choose candidates on skills, experience, reliability and fit, not on personal characteristics such as race, religion, age, or family status, as unfair assumptions can also lead to unlawful discrimination. If you are unsure, ask your agency or seek advice.

Stage 1: The application and profile

The profile is your first impression. It shows how the candidate communicates and what they value.

Green flags in a profile

• A complete, detailed application. All sections are filled in, with dates, places and real descriptions rather than vague phrases.
• Specific childcare experience. For example, “cared for two siblings aged 3 and 6 for 18 months, including school pickup and meal preparation,” rather than just “I love children.”
• Experience that matches your needs. If you have a baby, look for infant experience. If you have school-aged children, look for homework help and activity experience.
• Consistent information. Dates, ages, places and experience match across the application, the CV and what the candidate tells you in the interview.
• Clear motivation. The candidate explains why they want to be an au pair and why Australia, beyond “I want to travel.”
• Realistic expectations. They understand that an au pair works and lives with a family, rather than treating it as a free holiday.
• A friendly, well-written introduction. It shows personality, effort and respect for the family reading it.
• Supporting documents provided. A police clearance, references, a copy of their driver’s licence if relevant, and a first aid certificate show preparation.
• Good photos. Natural pictures that show them with children, at work or in everyday life, not only party or holiday photos.

Red flags in a profile

• Vague or copy-and-paste text. Generic answers that could belong to anyone, or text that looks identical to other applications.
• Gaps and unexplained changes. Missing months or years with no explanation, or frequent job changes with no clear reason. There may be perfectly good explanations, but you should ask.
• Little or no genuine childcare experience. This does not rule someone out, especially for a family who wants a younger candidate and will train them, but it should be a conscious choice rather than a surprise.
• Experience that does not add up. For example, claiming years of experience at an age that makes it unlikely, or descriptions that change from one document to another.
• Main motivation is only travel, money or a visa. Wanting to explore Australia is natural, but if it is the only reason, they may leave you as soon as a better opportunity appears.
• No references, or references that cannot be contacted. A candidate who cannot provide anyone to vouch for their childcare experience deserves extra caution.
• Missing or unclear clearances. Be wary if a candidate avoids questions about police checks or other required documents.
• Unrealistic demands in the application. A long list of requirements about days off, car access, salary or accommodation, with no mention of what they will give in return.
• Inappropriate photos or language. Anything that suggests they do not understand the professional nature of caring for children.

Stage 2: The references

References are one of the most valuable tools you have. Many families skip them or accept a glowing letter without checking. Don’t.

Green flags in references

• References from real childcare situations. Previous host families, parents they babysat for, nursery or school supervisors, or camp leaders.
• Referees who are reachable by phone, video or email, and who are happy to talk.
• Specific, balanced feedback. A good referee mentions strengths with examples, such as “she was great at getting the kids to do homework,” and may also mention an area of growth.
• Consistency. What the referee says matches what the candidate told you about their duties, dates and responsibilities.
• Willingness to rehire. Ask: “Would you have this person care for your children again?” A confident yes is one of the best green flags there is.

Red flags in references

• Only character references from friends or relatives, with nothing from a childcare setting.
• A reference written by the candidate or in a style that looks the same as their own writing.
• A referee who hesitates, avoids specifics or gives lukewarm answers. Phrases like “she was fine” or “I can’t really say” are worth following up.
• Contact details that do not work, or a referee who never replies.
• Dates and details that conflict with the application.
• Pressure to skip the reference check because the candidate is “in a hurry” or “has other offers.”

Questions to ask a referee

• How long did you know the candidate, and in what role?
• What were their main responsibilities?
• How did they handle a difficult moment (a tantrum, an accident, a sick child)?
• How reliable were they with time, rules and instructions?
• Were there any concerns about safety, honesty or communication?
• How did the children respond to them?
• Would you hire them again?

Stage 3: Safety checks and documents

For many parents, this is the most important area. A reputable process should include several layers of checking.

Green flags

• A current police clearance from the candidate’s home country (and from other countries where they have lived for an extended period), checked by you or by your agency.
• A first aid or CPR certificate, or willingness to complete one before starting.
• A valid visa with work rights. The candidate can show a Working Holiday (subclass 417) or Work and Holiday (subclass 462) visa, or explains clearly how they will get one, and understands the conditions.
• Open discussion about health, allergies and medication needs, handled appropriately and respectfully.
• Willingness to follow your safety rules: car seats, water safety, screen limits, medication and allergies, who may collect the children.
• An agency or third party that has screened the candidate. For more on how we do this, see our screening process.

Red flags

• Reluctance or delay with police checks, ID or documents.
• No clear answer about visa status, or an unrealistic plan such as “I’ll just come on a tourist visa and work.”
• Documents that look altered, inconsistent or incomplete.
• A candidate who is unwilling to share basic information with you or your agency, or who becomes defensive when asked reasonable questions.
• An invitation to move communication away from your agency or platform to private apps and payments before the match is confirmed.
• Requests for money from you before they arrive, such as flights, “visa fees,” a deposit or “agency fees.” Be very careful: this is a common sign of fraud. A genuine agency will explain its fees openly.
• No interest in your family’s safety rules. A candidate who shrugs off your questions about car seats, allergies or supervision rules is not ready to look after your children.

Stage 4: The video interview

The interview is where profiles come to life. Plan to speak with the candidate at least once, and ideally twice, with different people present (for example, once with both parents and once with the children for a short time, if appropriate).

You can find more help in our family interview guide.

Green flags in an interview

• They are on time, prepared and polite.
• They listen. They answer the question you asked rather than repeating a rehearsed speech.
• They ask thoughtful questions of their own, such as about the children’s routines, your expectations, the neighbourhood or what a typical week looks like.
• They give concrete examples. For instance: “When the little girl I looked after refused to eat, I turned dinner into a game…”
• They are honest about what they do not know. “I haven’t driven an automatic car, but I’m happy to practise before I start” is a better answer than a confident claim that is not true.
• They respond calmly to hypothetical situations, such as a child who is injured, a stranger at the door or a child who refuses to follow instructions.
• They show warmth with the children if the children join the call, without trying too hard or being overly familiar.
• They talk about boundaries and teamwork. They understand that you are the parents and that decisions about discipline and routines are yours.
• Their English is good enough for safety and daily life. They do not need perfect English, but they must be able to understand instructions and communicate in an emergency.
• They are open about their expectations, such as time off, language classes, visits to friends or travel plans, and these fit with your arrangement.

Red flags in an interview

• Poor preparation, lateness or distraction. Cancelling repeatedly, taking the call in a noisy place or looking at their phone.
• Rehearsed or evasive answers. Difficulty giving examples from real life.
• Criticising previous families, employers or children harshly. Everyone has a bad experience sometimes, but constant blame or contempt is a warning sign.
• Little interest in your children. No questions about their ages, personalities or needs.
• Strong opinions about discipline that conflict with yours, such as a belief in methods you are not comfortable with.
• Overpromising. Claiming to be good at everything, with no weaknesses and no questions.
• Focusing mostly on pay, free time, travel or the car. Questions about days off and pocket money are reasonable. If these are the only topics, think carefully about their priorities.
• Pressure to decide fast. “I have other families waiting, so you need to decide now.”
• Vague answers about why they left previous positions.
• Discomfort with your house rules, such as phone use, guests, alcohol, curfew or smoking.
• Poor communication when you ask hard questions. For example, becoming defensive or changing the subject.

Questions worth asking in the interview

About experience

• Tell me about your last childcare experience. What did a normal day look like?
• What age group do you enjoy working with most, and why?
• What is the hardest thing you have dealt with when caring for children?

About safety and judgment

• What would you do if a child fell and hit their head?
• What would you do if the child refused to eat or go to bed?
• How would you handle a stranger knocking at the door while you were home with the children?
• What are your views on screen time?

About daily life

• What would a perfect week look like for you in Australia?
• How do you handle homesickness?
• How do you feel about living with a family and following house rules?

About communication

• How do you like to receive feedback?
• If something is bothering you, how would you tell us?

About practicalities

• Do you have a driver’s licence? How much experience do you have driving, and have you driven an automatic car?
• Do you have any allergies, health needs or dietary requirements we should know about?
• Are you planning to study or travel during your stay?

Stage 5: Fit with your family

A skilled au pair can still be the wrong match if the family and personality do not fit. This is one of the most overlooked parts of the decision.

Green flags for fit

• Similar expectations about daily life. Your idea of “light housekeeping” and theirs match.
• Compatible energy and communication style. If your family is chatty and active, an introverted candidate may still be fine, but check that both sides are comfortable.
• Interest in your culture and community, and a wish to share theirs.
• Shared approach to children. Warm but firm, playful but safe.
• Flexibility with clear limits. They are open to adapting to your routine, and also able to say what they cannot do.
• Enthusiasm for the specific placement. They mention your children, your area or your family’s interests, which shows they have read your profile.

Red flags for fit

• Different expectations that neither side wants to change. For example, you need a flexible evening schedule and they want every weekend free for travel.
• A candidate who seems nervous about your location, such as an isolated area, long drives or a big city.
• Strong dislike of pets, children’s noise or family routines.
• Hesitation when you describe your home or rules.
• A feeling that something is “off.” Your instincts matter. If you feel uncomfortable, ask yourself why, and discuss it with your agency.

Stage 6: The arrival and the first weeks

Choosing well does not end when the au pair arrives. The first two to four weeks show how things will go, and you can still correct problems early.

Green flags in the first weeks

• They follow the schedule and ask when unsure.
• They are proactive about learning your routines, such as the children’s meals, bedtimes and school pick-up.
• The children warm to them over time. It may take days or weeks, and that is normal.
• They communicate calmly about problems. For instance: “I found bedtime difficult last night. Can we talk about a strategy?”
• They respect the house rules and your privacy.
• They settle into life outside work: making friends, studying English, exploring.
• They are honest about mistakes. Everyone makes them, and a person who reports a problem quickly is safer than one who hides it.

Red flags in the first weeks

• Repeated lateness, no-shows or forgotten tasks.
• Phone use while supervising children.
• Disrespect for house rules, such as having unapproved guests, staying out very late before a working day or ignoring safety rules.
• The children seem frightened, unhappy or reluctant to be with them, beyond normal shyness. This deserves attention.
• Dishonesty. Small lies can grow into bigger problems.
• Withdrawing or hiding problems. If your au pair is visibly unhappy, struggling with homesickness or avoiding conversation, speak to them early and kindly.
• Complaints about the arrangement without discussing them with you first.
• Unreliable behaviour with the car or with money.

If you see warning signs, act early. Talk to your au pair privately and calmly, refer back to your written agreement, give clear feedback and agree on what will change. If the problem continues, contact your agency. Our page on what to do if it doesn’t work out can help.

Red flags and green flags at a glance

Common mistakes host families make

– Choosing on personality alone. A charming candidate who lacks the right experience can be a poor fit for a baby or a child with additional needs.

– Skipping reference checks. This is the most valuable and most often skipped step.

– Rushing. Fear of missing out on a candidate leads to quick decisions. A good agency will give you time.

– Hiding the difficult parts of the job. If you have a challenging child, long hours, a remote home or many pets, say so. Honesty prevents resignations later.

– Unclear agreements. Duties, hours, pay, time off and house rules should be written down. See our page on the au pair contract

– Ignoring gut feelings. If something troubles you, explore it before committing.

– Expecting a nanny. An au pair is typically a young person on a cultural and travel experience, not a trained career nanny. See the difference between an au pair and a nanny.

– Skipping the welcome. A warm welcome, a clear first week and regular check-ins make a big difference. See how to welcome your au pair.

A simple scoring approach

If you are comparing several candidates, a scorecard makes decisions easier and fairer. Rate each candidate from 1 to 5 on:

• Childcare experience relevant to your children
• Quality of references
• Safety and documentation
• Communication and interview performance
• Fit with your routines and values
• Motivation and reliability
• How the children responded

Add up the scores, then discuss your gut feeling as a couple or family. If your scores and your instincts disagree, find out why before you decide.

How an agency helps you spot the flags

Reading profiles, checking documents, contacting referees and interviewing candidates takes time, and it is easy to miss warning signs when you are busy and stressed. A good agency should:

• Screen candidates before you see them, including references, police clearance and interviews. See our screening process.
• Match based on your needs, not just who is available.
• Support you during interviews with questions and advice.
• Help with the agreement so expectations are clear.
• Stay in touch after arrival and help if problems arise, including finding another match if needed.

At Au Pair Australia we do not charge registration fees or deposits, and our placement fee is a one-off payment only when a placement is confirmed. You can register as a host family to get started.

Frequently asked questions

What is the biggest red flag when choosing an au pair?
There is no single one, but the most serious are anything affecting child safety: reluctance to provide police clearance or references, dishonesty about experience or visa status, and requests for money before arrival.

How many references should I check?
At least two, with one directly related to childcare. Speak to them directly if you can, rather than relying only on written letters.

Is it a red flag if an au pair has no childcare experience?
Not always. Some families deliberately choose less experienced candidates and train them. It becomes a red flag if the candidate claims experience they do not have, or if your family needs someone confident with babies or special needs.

How long should an interview be?
Aim for 30 to 45 minutes for a first interview, and consider a second shorter call, ideally including the children, before you decide.

Should the children meet the au pair before I decide?
Often yes, briefly. A short video chat can show how the candidate relates to your children. Keep it friendly and low-pressure.

What if the interview goes well but my instincts say no?
Pay attention to that feeling and try to identify the reason. If you cannot, talk it over with your agency or ask for another conversation.

Should I worry if my au pair is homesick in the first weeks?
Homesickness is very common and usually improves. Listen, keep routines predictable and encourage social contact. If it becomes severe or lasts a long time, speak with your agency.

What should I do if I spot a red flag after the au pair has arrived?
Address it early, calmly and privately. Refer to the written agreement, set clear expectations and review progress after a week or two. If it affects the children’s safety, act immediately and contact your agency.

Can I ask about an au pair’s religion, relationships or health?
Be careful. Ask about what is relevant to the role, such as allergies that affect safety or the ability to drive, and avoid questions that could lead to unfair assumptions or discrimination. If you are unsure, ask your agency.

What if my au pair and I are not a good match?
It happens, even with careful screening. Talk early, try to fix what can be fixed, and if needed use your agreement’s notice terms or contact your agency about a rematch.

Conclusion

Choosing an au pair is partly about checking facts and partly about judging fit. The strongest candidates have genuine experience, honest references, the right documents, good communication and a real interest in your family. The warning signs, such as vague answers, missing clearances, requests for money, evasive interviews and poor boundaries, are often easy to spot once you know what to look for.

Take your time, check references, trust your instincts and put everything in writing. If you would like help, our team can guide you from the first profile to the first week in your home.

Register as a host family or contact us to start finding the right au pair for your family.